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Martha Stewart is a Heifer.

October 29, 2012 by arfoodie

At left, the cupcake baked at Martha’s recommended temp of 325. At right, the same amount of the same batter baked at 375.

I’m just saying.

I used to be quite addicted to Ms. Perfection in the 90s, before she went to jail and all. I would pick up the latest edition of Martha Stewart Living and tromp around town looking for all the arcane ingredients she called for.

The folks at Kroger and then-Beans and Grains and Things got such a hoot out of it. “Do you have any aged snail lard (or whatever)?” I would dutifully ask.

“Martha Stewart, right?” they would grin. I wasn’t the only one that had been by.

You know she was laughing just thinking about it.

Today, I used one of Ms. Perfect’s cupcake recipes for a dumb reason: loathing of math. My delicious butter cake recipe would need to be cut by 3.5 to make the right amount of cupcakes, and after a long day, that just made my head hurt. Her recipe was for just the amount I needed.

The recipe, which I had used before, was fine. The temp, however, was the problem. I had adjusted it before, but forgot today. She claims the cupcakes should be baked at 325. They oozed slowly upward and spread across the pan, making a sad little hat on each one.

Dangit.

I had enough extra for three more. I turned the temp up to 375, loaded the second pan and put them in. Perfection.

Martha, admit it. You do this crap on purpose.

Heifer.

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Filed Under: Desserts, Random Fun Stuff Tagged With: baking temperature, cupcakes, Martha Stewart, temp

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Comments

  1. 3pastriesaday says

    October 31, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Ahahahaha OMG I love the title of this post. Heifer! (Although, secretly, I really like some of her stuff. Don't hate me?)
    • arfoodie says

      October 31, 2012 at 1:31 pm

      Well, obviously I make some of her stuff, too. This just made me mad enough that I might not again. ;)
      • 3pastriesaday says

        November 1, 2012 at 4:31 pm

        Totally understood. She can be quite the divisive figure.
  2. charleneoldham says

    October 31, 2012 at 9:05 am

    My sister and I made this one year: http://www.marthastewart.com/262211/fig-holiday-roll It took us so long that I later figured to be the opportunity cost of the dessert to be in the hundreds, if not thousands had each of us been paid a fair wage. Hmmm.
    • arfoodie says

      October 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm

      YOU SEE???? Candied kumquats. CANDIED KUMQUATS. Where in the ever loving heck do you buy candied kumquats????? And I'm sure something else in the recipe was off so you couldn't possibly make it as perfect as hers.
  3. themadething says

    October 30, 2012 at 6:36 am

    So odd. I wonder if it's all some plan to make you feel insufficient and inferior in the kitchen? So you buy her stuff?
    • arfoodie says

      October 30, 2012 at 8:45 pm

      Maybe. Or maybe she's just a heifer enough to just enjoy making people suffer. It's like the aunt who gives you her awesome recipe but messes it up in transcription just a little, so hers will always be better than yours. Not that that's ever happened to me.
  4. Kat says

    October 30, 2012 at 4:51 am

    This is my favorite blog title ever!!! I have always loathed Martha Stewart. None of her stuff is her own, she is pretentious and I have read that she never gave to charity. (The last bit made me loathe her the most. When you're that financially blessed you should give back.) It's perfectly acceptable, and doable, to totally avoid all things Martha. :)
    • arfoodie says

      October 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

      Glad you liked it! It was totally sleep-deprived awesome. A bit of a departure from previous style, but it may become a trend. I only used the recipe because of the quantity. Next time I'll do the math and pare down my super-awesome butter cake recipe. Just dividing by 3.5 was more than I could handle at midnight. ;)

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